Letting go is a natural bi-product of healing the past.
We love our fam and friends who prod us to “just let go of it.”
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you must heal first.
It is impossible just to let go.
I am not talking about healing from getting cut off in traffic, or someone did not say “thank you” when you held the door for them.
I am talking about the things we may accept or deny that have happened, and none the less have shaped us for good or bad, who we are today.
Once you heal, forgiveness and letting go just happens.
The only way to heal is to accept our experiences and learn from them.
Ask yourself, what did I learn? How did I change?
Look for the positive side of what came of it.
By no means am I saying that someone hurting you is acceptable. This is you taking back your power, by naming how you have grown in spite of this experience.
You realize your strength to turn “broken” into “rebuilt better.”
We desperately try to skip this part because it is uncomfortable. Our ego’s job is to keep us safe, so it will work it’s best to deter us from engaging with the idea of healing the past.
We as humans have a difficult time with the part of life that concerns death, endings, or loss.
Our egos know that if we deal with and heal our past, there will inherently be a death.
Until we come to terms with the cycle of life, it will be impossible to heal and allow the part of you that needs to die so that a new you can transform.
4 Steps to Heal the Past
1. Committing to Healing
This is where you finally admit that skipping this work is guaranteeing you never heal.
2. Prepare Your Ego.
Remember, your ego wants nothing more than to protect you. You can help your ego with soothing self-talk. Yes, you are talking to yourself...I suggest talking out loud. Tell your ego in kind words that this work is needed, and you are safe. Using mantras and tapping are good ways to help in preparing your ego. Your brain will listen to how you direct it. Make sure you always speak with love and patience, never criticism.
3. Sit with Your Past.
“Hang on Nelly- this shit is about to get real!” This, my dear, is the most difficult. Emotional turmoil is extremely painful. This is where you go to the place and time of the hurt. You let the emotions come, all of them, every single one. You allow yourself to grieve without guilt or shame.
You can personalize your emotions. Let’s say your trust was broken as a child through abuse from an adult, so you are seeking to heal trust. Talk to Trust. You can tell Trust it is okay. You are safe now. Trust did not fail you. You want Trust back into your life.
You will resist the grieving process. It is hard to grieve the death of the old you.
You must understand, and deep inside, you do. Therefore we resist the fact that whatever we heal dies.
Let me give you an example; I have heard people say "I do not want to grieve my relationship. I do not want this to die. I want to be with this person again someday. If I grieve, that means there is no future."
The truth is the relationship as it was has died. It will never be exactly as it was. This is so simple for nothing else than the pain the two had experienced when the relationship ended has changed them permanently. Therefore the exact link between the two that once existed has died.
It is so important to grieve.
Energy does not like to be stagnant. It needs to flow.
When you grieve, you are moving energy and sending it out to be transmuted.
Don’t rush your grieving process. It may take a bit of time. Be patient with yourself.
4. Recognizing Your Pain as not Just Your Own.
Just how wonderfully liberating and restorative.
Sit with the thought that your pain is not yours alone to carry.
Of 7 billion people on the planet, at least one other person is going through the pain you go through.
When we are hurt and feel alone, we automatically contract for protection. However, when you realize there is someone else hurting in the same way you are- you will feel compassion and empathy for that other soul. Those feelings are the opposite of contracting; you will actually start to expand. You will not feel alone.
This realization transmutes their pain through your love and compassion for them. In turn, healing yourself…freaking amazing!!!
This process can be practiced every day for as long as you need it.
I hope this can serve you well in assisting in healing your past. These are techniques I have used myself and have helped others incorporate into their lives.